You know what he's going to say next, you know what she's going to say next. You don't want to get into it, again. It just achieves nothing and it's the same old argument every time. Except it is starting to feel a bit more hurtful.
Couples can get so caught up in what is called a "negative cycle" of interaction. The "negative cycle" is a pattern of negative behaviours, thoughts and feelings that cause distress to both partners. The distress is exhibited in such different ways by the different partners that it is sometimes hard to tell your partner is actually distressed. You react to your partner's reactions and they react to yours and you go around and around in a never-ending negative cycle. Understanding and identifying your negative cycle is the first step you can make as a couple towards a better, more harmonious relationship.
Using Emotionally Focused Therapy, Kate will help you look at the patterns in your relationships and move towards creating a more secure bond and building greater trust within your relationship. Couples and families in distress can benefit from EFT and learn to improve their relationships. Often, clients are dealing with anger, fear, loss of trust, or a sense of betrayal in their relationship. EFT has also been proven effective for couples who are having trouble coping with their own illness or that of a child. In addition to helping the distressed relationship, EFT can also help reduce individual symptoms of depression or trauma.
Kate takes the time to observe the dynamics between the partners, looks at how this actually plays out at home, and helps direct new conversations and interactions based on more honest feelings. To achieve this, Kate encourages you to review your current emotional issues and then helps you discover feelings and emotions that you may not know you have. You may discover deeper past feelings and vulnerabilities that are blocked by the more immediate emotions you display in your current relationships. You can learn to express these emotions in a way that will help you connect, with your partner, family and friends on a deeper more satisfying level. You also learn new ways to listen to your partners needs and emotions and find more appropriate ways to respond to emotional situations.
EFT focuses on the current issues and aims to make real change now that can make a real improvement to your quality of life. To do that there are three stages of EFT to complete. The first is to de-escalate the couple’s or family member’s negative cycle of interactions, and help them identify and understand what is happening. The next stage is to restructure interactions, change the negative cycle into a positive one. You learn how to reach for each other and ask for your needs to be met and in return as a couple or family member you can become more open and responsive to each other. The third stage is consolidation, helping you see how you got into negative patterns and making sure you don't fall back into these old patterns of behaviour.